bueno had a bachelorette party in vegas

this past weekend myself and ten other girls flew to the city of sin for a bachelorette party! the bride is my good friend jessica, whom we all lovingly call "bueno". we call her bueno not because it means good in spanish, but mostly because its her last name....or will be for the next three days or so.

the bridesmaids booked the early flight out of slc. when i say early flight, i mean early flight. the plane was scheduled to take off at 6:05 am, which meant that I had to be up around 4 am. it was so early it felt late. the best part of getting ready was confusing both dogs. they started to get up because i was up and moving around, and then got all confused when it was still dark and they werent getting fed breakfast. lol. silly mutts. we made it to the airport and and on the plane. lucky for me, im a seasoned traveller and it takes all of 5 seconds for me to fall asleep on a plane. so i was able to cram in a much needed cat nap, while my friend jeanna was all elbows next to me trying to get comfy on the tray-table. lol rookie

*plane highlight: cheree offering to cram a peanut up my nose during the descent into vegas (lol why? i dont know)

there is nothing like that initial feeling when you first arrive in vegas. youre beyond excited, you cant wait to -drink, -shop, or -gamble, and eventually lay hungover by the fantastic hotel pool. first things first, we decided the only way to leave the airport was in a limo. so we all crammed in and told our driver to take us to the mandalay bay....by way of the liquor store of course ;)

vegas drinks are expensive so we decided to stock up on lots of booze so we could pre-game in our room for cheap. nothing like buying gallons of liquor before 8 am in the morning (but at least its vegas and nobody judges). my friend cheree and i were checking out when we saw individual beers on ice. who can say no to an ice cold road beer? certainly not two bachlorettes! and thus my friday morning started off with a heineken instead of coffee. when in rome...

luckily we were able to do an early check-in....the only downside was that the room we got was on the third floor directly above the casino. if youre wondering why the sarcasm ill tell you. our window view consisted of a very nice view of the casino roof, and then a giant cement wall above it. but we came to vegas to party and not admire the view so nobody really complained. we managed to cram 11 girls into two rooms with four queen beds. if you did the math (which i totally expect everyone to have done), you realize that three gals were out of a spot. well i am here to assure you that, being the classy ladies that we are, we brought a blow-up air mattress for two and the remaining lucky girl got the illustrious choices of: 1) sleeping on the floor, or 2) cramming in with two girls to make it a threesome (three girls in a bed, not a menage a trois. its a bachelorette party, not the playboy mansion lol). we stayed in the room long enough for all our suitcases to explode their contents everywhere and to change into swimsuits.

mandalay bay is known for their great pools, so it was totally awesome when we were walking in that we got invited to their private pool club moorea. i think regular people get charged an insane amount to enter, but we got in free because we are cute girls with big boobs. which turns out, was quite fortuitous since the pool club was toptional. i saw WAAY too many boobies that i shouldntve seen. you know what i mean, people going topless who should never go topless. im here to let all you future pool-goers know, the cute young girls all over the advertisements? yeah, they arent there. lol. but we had a blast in the sun drinking delicious cocktails and lounging in the shallow pool area. the dj wasnt half bad either. i can safely say that flo rida's "whistle" song will forever remind me of this trip.

*pool highlight: watching a middle-aged eastern european female body builder wearing a non-existent g-string bikini dance suggestively by the pools edge, while squatting awkwardly intermittently in sparkly heels (to her credit, she did have a breathtaking hiney)

friday night was our big night out. we got all dressed up and went to dinner at the china grill. a few pieces of background information: dressed up for 11 girls takes close to 2.5 hours to happen. HOLY MOLY! and we chose china grill since thats the name of a restaurant that bueno and a few of the girls worked at during highschool. look at us be nostalgic bitches :) the ambiance of the restaurant was very cool, but the food was way too deep-fried for me.  i'll give them props for the drawbridge entrance they had. theres definitely not enough drawbridges around these days.

we went back to the room to do standard girl stuff before going out. you know, looking at yourself in the mirror and making duck faces, fixing hair that already looks good....oh yeah! and making more cocktails with bachelorette-standard-issue penis straws! we somehow got sucked into a good game of "never have i ever". if youve never played one person is up and they say something theyve never done and if anybody else there has done it, they take a drink. pretty simple. i usually end up laughing a lot and learning things about people i didnt want to know lol.

"never have i ever.....gone to CHIPPENDALE'S!" lol no really, ive never been. which was lucky for me since that was on the agenda for the night! we grabbed our cocktails (literally) and put on mustache finger tattoos (as you do...) and headed out to the limo.

the bridesmaids asked bueno what she wanted to do for her bachelorette party and all she would tell them was that she wanted dicks in her face. hahaha. so being the good bridesmaids that they are, they booked us VIP seats at the hottest male review show in vegas, chippendales! we went to the hostess to pick up our tickets and she couldnt find reservations under any of our names. it was mass confusion/calamity until we realized that we booked the tickets with cheree's boyfriends credit card so everything was listed under his name. haha it was funny, mostly since no straight men would dare go to the show, let alone have 11 tickets reserved in their name. we had to update the name because for VIP bachelorettes they do audience shout outs and somehow we didnt think it was a good idea for the host to give a shout out to bob lol.

i dont know what i was expecting....wait okay i do. i thought i was going to watch gay guys trying to be straight rip each others clothes off and dance in crazy outfits for the better part of an hour. i was WRONG! only one of them looked gay, the rest were straight and extremely buff. its like they interviewed girls and asked what their favorite fantasies were and then made up themed dances to go with them. i saw naked construction workers, vampires, doctors, rappers, military officers, 20s gangsters etc. it was cheesy and SO much fun! and by dumb luck, bueno got called up on stage and actually got as close as she was gonna get to dicks in her face lol! we were screaming so loud and cheering for her that security had to come over and tell us to stfu. i definitely recommend going at least once in your life.

the show got over at 11 and for vegas, that meant our night was just beginning. we piled into another limo and went to caesars palace so we could go to club pure. we drank expensive drinks, danced, met pro soccer players, and hung out on an outdoor patio area overlooking the strip.

*club highlight: being invited to a VIP area and arriving to see 10+ arabian dudes in turbans. "dance  for me". haha are you kidding me? no. absolutely not. 

we drunkenly made our way home sometime between 330am and 4. i dont remember much except finding my bed. vegas'll do that to ya. the next morning was rough. we all woke up drunk (which is pretty standard for vegas) and made our way to breakfast and then the pool. i remember when we arrived at the pool that everyone was groaning "im never drinking again....or if i do it wont be until tonight..." yeah, that lasted about 20 min. theres something about lounging in the sun and the water that necessitates a beer. after getting good and crispy, we made our way to fashion show, which is a big mall. half the girls wanted to shop and the other half of us wanted to gamble. so myself, the bride, cheree and brynn left the mall and headed to casino royale. if youve been to vegas before and are wondering where the hell is casino royale? i'll tell you. its a dive casino located across the street from the mirage. the bride had a hankering to play craps and it had the cheapest tables in town. bueno is a gem and taught me how to play craps. but....im a fickle gambler and once i lost all my money, i decided it was time to switch games.

*casino highlight: i saddled up at a roulette table and managed to triple my money! WOOHOO!

we had dinner reservations so we had to cut gambling time short to get back to the hotel to shower and get ready. we managed to get a table at strip steak. the chef sent out free appetizers (probably because we were a large table of hot girls...) and we ordered some amazing food. so the front of the restaurant is all glass and looks out into the mall area of mandalay bay. we watched a trio of three drunk bitches walk past outside and then one of them trips and falls down. we all gasp and wait for her friends to help her up. not only do the drunk girls friends not help her up, they start taking pics of her on the floor and then pics of themselves. lol, it was quite the trainwreck sight to see. after being on the floor for a solid 15 min, the drunk girl finally manages to claw her way up the wall and stand up. about that time the ENTIRE steak restaurant (us included) erupts in cheers! she was so wasted she didnt understand what was happening. and us being the sassy minxes that we are, decided to run out and get a photo of her. she slurred and said we could only take a pic of her if she could grab my boobs. i said yes....as long as i could grab hers back lol.

*dinner highlight: after i grabbed the drunk lady's boobs i asked if they were real. she told me "some boobs are real and some are real nice". ahaha true.

once we were done stuffing our faces with steak, we headed to the cosmopolitan hotel to club marquee. our names were on the guest list but since we arrived after 11pm the list was invalid. so we had to wait in the long line. haha yeah right. its vegas, and we're cute girls. we had a fireman with us (a very nice random chap from the midwest we picked up in the cab line at mandalay bay) who had no problem bribing the bouncers to let us in. i was bummed to find out that apolo ohno and karina smirnoff were in line right in front of us and i missed them! damn lol.

the inside of marquee was insane! there were 10x more people than pure and it was PACKED! we couldnt actually get on the dance floor because it was at capacity. so we just congregated outside near the other dance floor and pool area.

*club highlight: i think lots of fun things happened, but i cant tell you exactly what since my memory is a little foggy. damn you drinking!!!

i remember hitting my wall somewhere around 4am. nobody else was ready to go so i went home by myself. the funny thing about vegas is how you get treated in groups vs. being alone. when all of us girls went anywhere together there were cat-calls and whistling and all sorts of graphic comments. when i went home alone that night everyone treated me like an old woman lol. "good evening ma'am", "can i get you a cab miss?" haha. maybe i looked distinguished? not too sure.

i made it back to the hotel and managed to find my pajamas and mildly electrocute myself trying to unplug the tv. most people wouldve tried using the remote to turn the tv off, but we'd taken the batteries out of it to put into some vibrating undies for the bride so that didnt work. i decided the tv could go to hell and i passed out on the bed. i vaguely remember hearing the girls come home and i sort of remember my bed bouncing a little bit. i find out the next morning that when they got home, our neighbor across the hall opened his door, COMPLETELY NAKED and came into our room. he lounged on some beds, and then ran over to the bed that brynn and i were sleeping on and jumped NAKED on top of us. yes. a naked man that i didnt know was jumping on my bed and i slept through the entire thing. i thought they were kidding until i saw the pictures. lol, only in vegas :)

i had enough time for one last breakfast with the girls and then was off to the airport. it was such a fun weekend with everyone and im so glad i got to spend buenos last single-girl weekend with her. its crazy how fast time flies and how our lives change. i dont know whats next for all of us, but thats half the fun. however, there are a few things i know for sure...1) chauncy is one lucky guy to be marrying such an amazing girl, 2) the wedding is going to be a blast, and 3) even though you're becoming mrs. moyer, im still going to call you bueno

XO